Time to Think. Time to Breathe.

Unfortunately, Marisol and I did not meet this week. I knew that I valued the time that she and I spend together; but I realized it even more today because part of my day felt empty. Meeting with Marisol has become part of my routine; and the break in the routine affected me more than I thought it would.

I had a unexpected meeting come up that I had to go to during the time Marisol and I normally meet. I called her and she was understanding and agreed that meeting next week would be best for both of us. She said that she had many tasks she needed to get done as well, so that break would allow her to get those things done.

I am relieved that I have another week to prepare for Marisol. My weeks get so busy with schoolwork and other activities. I want to make sure that I give my tutoring sessions with Marisol the time and preparation the time it deserves. She and I are continuing to work on pronunciation and sentence construction. As much as she and I try to stay on track during our meetings, we always end up spending at least half of the time talking. I am going to take this time to think and breathe. I need to collect my thoughts, get organized, be prepared all the while remembering my true purpose with Marisol - to establish a relationship.

Last Friday, during the Homecoming festivities a little girl ran up to me and tapped me on my side. I turned around to see who tapped me and glanced down to see a little girl with a big smile and curly black hair. I did not recognize the young girl but said hi anyways. Even after I said hi, she continued to stand there and stare at me. I looked up the pathway beyond the little girl and saw Marisol approaching us smiling. Marisol had told her daughter to run and catch me because she wanted to say hi. I had the opportunity to meet one of Marisol's children and her boyfriend. This experience truly stands out to me because it is evidence of our friendship and that our friendship extends beyond our once-a-week tutoring sessions.

Coffee Talk

"Oh girl! I know exactly what you mean. My husband acts the same way" "Men talk about how complicated women are, but I've spent too many hours of my life trying to figure out that man." "Oh girl, you have no idea. They're all the same," she adds to her best friend jovially. "I just about have to use football terms to get his attention to start some of those chores I need help with." Both women break out into heavy laughter, but are careful not to spill their coffee.

Meeting with Marisol today was like meeting up with an old friend from high school. We talked about her kids, work, and relationships. However, we did not talk about any topic in a particular order or structure. Our conversation just flowed from one topic to the next and ebbed back like the waves on a shore of the beach. It is not a strain to find things to talk about with Marisol. We each contribute to the conversation and offer feedback and advice. To me, the mark of a growing friendship is visible in certain conversational aspects. For example, Marisol remembers details about my life and things that I have said, and then proceeds to ask about them later. I too will follow up with questions related to topics we have discussed before. The fact that we can remember details regarding each other's lives, and care to ask about those aspects later, demonstrates that we each value the relationship. When someone has to continually ask me the same information about myself because they forgot, that is a sign to me that they may not care as much about our relationship or developing it.

Today, Marisol and I talked for our entire meeting. After we both realized how much time had elapsed, we both began to get our belongings together. I apologized for just talking the entire time, and she reassured me that this [talking] helps and that she enjoys it. Her smile was warm and genuine. I left our meeting and walked back to my dorm with an indescribable warm in my heart and smile on my face. I can almost describe the feeling as a feeling of relief or contentment. The ability to connect one-on-one with another person is what binds us all together as humans. We are relational, social creature which is why I think I feel almost relieved and at ease when I leave our meetings. Our conversations are effortless, and our friendship continues to grow.

A Growing Friendship

Learning involves going where we have to go. The journey is an act of discovery and knowledge is gained through the process, not the end result. So far, the process of tutoring Marisol continues to teach me and enlighten me. We practiced saying various everyday words and phrases from the picture dictionary that we had learned last week. Her pronunciation and word identification is continuing to improve. She remembers different pronunciation tricks and rules that we practice, and it is evident that she is pr acting and taking to heart what we learn during our tutoring sessions. We also reviewed when to use capital letters. During our first meeting, we had practiced how to write the alphabet in upper and lower case. I thought it would then be a practical idea to learn when to use the upper and lower case letters in everyday language and writing. We practiced these concepts last week, and took today as an opportunity to review. I am so proud of Marisol and the progress she is making. The feeling I have when I leave tutoring is truly indescribable. A feeble attempt to describe that feeling would be to say that I feel fulfilled, worthwhile, and useful. I struggle with feeling useless and inadequate, but Marisol continually reminds me, directly and indirectly, that I have gifts and a purpose. I am so thankful for her in my life.

Distracted

This past meeting with Marisol was rather uneventful. I felt as if I were rushing to get done with our exercises because I knew she had to leave early to go pay her rent, and it was the Wednesday of fall break. I knew my dad was on his way to come pick me up, and he hates it when I make him wait on me after he's sat in excruciating traffic to come get me.

Marisol and I practiced identifying and saying words in the Spanish/English picture dictionary. That seemed to help, but I cannot help but feel like I am not doing enough to push her so that she sees progress. We also looked at examples of when to use capital letters from exercises that I printed off from the Internet. She understood all the examples, and seemed to glean some knowledge from that exercise as well. Next week, we are going to look at the picture dictionary again and write sentences based on the words we practice. I may try having her mimic sentences that I write and read them aloud, and then have her write sentences of her own if she feels comfortable. Marisol speaks English proficiently, however, writing seems to be her biggest obstacle. I desperately desire to help her achieve her goal. After this last meeting, I felt inadequate and that I was not doing enough to help her.

Practice Makes Perfect

I am continually amazed by Marisol. Her confident and feisty personality inspires me to take more pride in myself and to appreciate myself for who I am. Despite physically and emotionally abusive relationships, Marisol continues to have a positive attitude and focuses on the important tasks at hand in her life. When I am around her, I begin to feel more confident in myself because I see the beauty in continual persistence and determination in her.

In our tutoring session yesterday, Marisol told me about how she was hospitalized not too long ago because of depression. She continues to battle issues with depression, but makes a genuine effort daily to combat that problem. Rather that wallowing in self pity, Marisol wakes up everyday, looks in the mirror, and tells her reflection that she is beautiful, successful, and worthy. She embraces who she is and celebrates her accomplishments in life, rather than focusing on the negative aspects.

I also feel as if I have a purpose and am making a difference. I treasure and value the feeling I have when I walk back to my dorm room after having met with Marisol for our tutoring sessions. The ability to make a difference in someone else's life is a feeling that is difficult to describe. As the sun streams down, kissing the freshly-cut grass, a gentle breeze whips through my hair, the weather is truly ideal, and for a brief moment everything seems right in the world and in my life. I forget about all of my other mundane tasks that need to be completed for various classes and organizations, I forget about drama surrounding my friends and family, and I forget about the stress I feel when I contemplate my future because currently it is full of uncertainty and doubt. For a brief moment in my week, I do not doubt my abilities and gifts as a student or as a person. I feel as if I have purpose, and cannot help but to close my eyes, breathe in the fresh, warm air, and smile as I exhale. The days that I tutor make me appreciate the beauty in the world and the simple acts of kindness and servitude.